Tuesdays are the only days I get mail. Never has a subscription to Newsweek magazine brought me so much joy because that is the one day a week I can go to the mailbox and there is something for me. There is nothing quite like the tinge of disappointment in getting the mail and nothing is addressed to you. It's ten-times worse when you get a key to one of the big boxes only to discover that the package isn't for you. The rush of excitement you get when that key is sitting in your mailbox is palpable, comparable to the crushing defeat you feel when you finally read the name that isn't yours. People walking past me on the sidewalk as I meander back into the house look at me with pity and I know what they're thinking. "Poor girl, once again she got no mail. How very sad." I see it written all over their smug faces as they push their baby carriages and walk their dogs along the streets. How lucky they must feel when they open their mailboxes and see items addressed to them.

Photo Credit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jaysantiago/ / CC BY-ND 2.0

People keep telling me that I'm overreacting, but I honestly think that I'm about to die. This cough is going to be end of me. It starts slowly, I open my mouth, about to say something, maybe to take a bite of food, or sip some water, and something goes terribly wrong. The real event begins when I inhale, something doesn't move quite right, something brushes over the trigger and I quickly close my mouth in an effort to stop the process, but then it's too late. My body starts to spasm in an effort to stifle the noise, my throat spasming uncontrollably, and I close my eyes and try to visualize what must be happening in my lungs. It's like a battle zone, my body is fighting itself and it's a battle to the death. I can't catch my breath, I clutch at my chest in an effort to demonstrate that the end is near. The people around me look at me with fear in their eyes, no one wants to watch someone die, but today they'll have to. Suddenly, with as much effort with which it began, the coughing stopped. I take a deep breath and sigh with relief. Everyone is asking me if I'm okay. Yes, I'm okay, I say, something just went down the wrong tube.

Yesterday I was filthy, covered in dirt and grime, food and drink, grease and oil. But today I am clean again. Clean after a delightful and welcome scrubbing, the warm, soapy water running into every crevice and spilling over every inch. The view is clear now, the room smells fresh and I feel brand new. This new me is not going to last long. It only takes a few days, hours even, for me to return to the same state I was in. I don’t know what I did to deserve it, but people walk all over me. Nearly every day of my life I am trampled upon with no remorse. I remember the day I moved into this apartment, I fit perfectly in the space and was wonderfully clean, if not a little dusty. Life was good, until the day I wasn’t alone in my living space. The worst offender? The dog. Oh, how I loathe that dog with his constant slobbering all over me, dropping his food all over the place, plopping himself down wherever he wants. The cat is better, though she only deems to look down on me from the countertops. The people I can handle, since they are the ones ultimately in control of my condition. The lady is my favorite, she doesn’t seem to mind cleaning a dirty floor.

I love reading. I love having a book with me everywhere and the possibilities that come with that. I like the escapism in reading a great book. I've been reading nonstop for the past few weeks. I've torn through no less than four full-length (each over 400 pages) books, several magazines (and not Cosmo, no, I'm talking The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, Newsweek, heavier stuff), I read the assigned passages for my composition class right after class because I just wanted to read. Maybe my brain is going through a sponge phase? But, put something with words on it in front of me and I will read it. And then ask for more.

• Seeing my friends be truly pleased with themselves and their lives. Hearing of their ecstatic happiness makes me ecstatically happy! I could name examples but, just in general, I'm addicted to happiness.
  
• Reading for pleasure again. After four months of only reading in a strictly academic sense I thought that I would be anxious to sit and read nothing for a month. This was not the case. I've been reading voraciously in the past few weeks and there's nothing better I could be doing with my time. (I'm currently half-way through In a Sunburned Country by Bill Bryson. It's absolutely hysterical, so much so that I can't read it in public without embarrassing myself. Next up is American Gods by Neil Gaiman.)
• Nurses. Nurses are amazing. I've been spending a lot of time hanging about the medical world these days (my grandma fell a few weeks ago which resulted in a concussion, broken hip and a plethora of other problems) and I can tell you all that every single nurse I encountered from the advice nurse over the phone to the emergency room nurse to the nurses at the rehab center where she is currently staying are all incredible, caring, compassionate people. I can't thank every one of them enough.
• United Airlines Frequent Flier Miles. My New Year's Resolution is to get enough points to do something, anything. I'm itching to get on an airplane again! A job would greatly help me in these endeavors.
  
• Jury Duty. I don't mind doing my civic duty as it must be done this week, I actually want to be put on a jury! Honestly, I don't have anything better to do except read, which there will be plenty of time for while doing my jury duty regardless.
• Wii Fit Plus. How fun is this little game? We got it for Christmas. I spent an hour on it the other day and didn't even realize that I was burning those pesky calories. I know I sound like a freaking advertisement, but I think it's really fun. Is it as fun as Mario Kart? Well, no. But still pretty entertaining.
• Showers! I know this is a weird one, but I really, really love taking showers these days. I don't know why, but I look forward to them. Something about the hot water and the quiet. It's the only place in the house where I am truly alone (even my room does not afford me this luxury) and it's the only other place (besides my beloved car) where I can let myself feel my feelings, if that makes sense. It's cathartic.

I love plenty of other things, too! <3

NaNoWriMo was, once again, a bust. November is just a terrible time for students to participate, it's nearing the end of the semester and assignments that have been left around are suddenly needing to be completed. It's disappointing, yes, but at least I have a story that is somewhat outlined so if I ever want to finish it in the future I would be able to pick it up again.

In television news, I'm really into Dexter this season. This is by far the most intense season, I often have to pause it in the middle of scenes just to take a break from the tension.I've watched the show since the first season, but this one is just overall better. The writing is better, it's darker and funnier and there have been some really good twists and with only two episodes left I'm completely expecting to have my mind completely blown.

On the other end of the TV spectrum lies Glee. I love this show so much, I smile like a freaking idiot every time I watch it, it just makes me so happy! The fact that most shows, including this one as well as the very good V, are taking a substantial break over winter (for the Olympics, natch) is quite disappointing.

I have two weeks left of school and then I get to go back to Bakersfield where hopefully I can work some!

Yes, kids, it's true. The other day I went to AT&T after many, many hours of deliberation and anguish, and I purchased my very own piece of Apple phonedom. I was quite nervous and not a little reluctant, but the salesman, Alex, was just so cool in explaining every last thing to me and was very, very good at his job. But, I digress, I love it. It's just so pretty.