When I was in the first grade I was told I had bad handwriting. I had to do all of these stupid handwriting exercises whenever I had free time (which was a lot, because even though I was in a combo 1st/2nd class and I did all the 2nd grade work, I was still done way before other kids). Ever since then I've been convinced that I had bad handwriting. But I don't, really, it's just still in my head.

The point of this anecdote is that I'm trying to let things go. I'm trying to release my baggage into the wild. And it's really fucking hard.

Just finished my Geographical Information Systems final. In it my professor had us work through a hypothetical situation under our fictional boss, "Mr. Big." We were asked what problems we might run into during the course of the project and me, being me, said "Mr. Big leaves you for Carrie Bradshaw. Again." I really hope that he is familiar with Sex and the City, or else he will be very confused.

My other favorite answer includes the sentence "It's entirely possible that your computer will explode at this stage in the project."

My brain is slowly turning to mush.

Set in present-day New York City. The shows were big. The thrills were bigger.

"This movie is so awesome. You could feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and fall back down again because they fainted because it was so intense. Seriously. Pay attention to your neck hairs." - Roger Ebert*

"Five Stars!" - Peter Travers **

*of the Lodi High School student-run newspaper.

*of the Folsom Lake College cafeteria

Soundtrack

Lady Gaga - Lovegame

Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell

The Sound of Silence - Simon and Garfunkel

B.Y.O.B. - System of a Down

Carry Out (featuring Justin Timberlake) - Timbaland

O Sole Mio - The Three Tenors

The World Has Turned and Left Me Here - Weezer

Velocity Girl - Snow Patrol

On Your Bike - Heinz Kiessling

Eminence Front - The Who

Don't Rain on My Parade - Barbra Streisand

The Engine Driver - The Decemberists

I figure since Oprah always does her favorite things episode at this time of year (it was a few weeks ago, I think) I should talk about some of my favorite things because I'm obviously as important as Oprah Winfrey.

1. Hats.

I've entered a hat phase. I'm not really sure what this means for my well-being but they keep my head warm. For years I thought I wasn't a hat person. I thought my head was funny shaped, or too big or that my face couldn't handle a hat being so close to it, but I was wrong. I just needed to find the right hat style so now I have four hats. Two knit beret things, one normal knit beanie-type hat and one that I bought to go skiing in earlier this year with earflaps that has found it's way onto my head in the privacy of my room more times that I'd like to admit.

2. Cranberry Sierra Mist

This is truly the cold, fizzy, non-alcoholic soda beverage of winter. Yes, I did have to qualify that an awful lot because it doesn't beat my other favorite cold, fizzy, non-alcoholic (but non-soda) beverage, Martinelli's Apple Cider. But Cranberry Sierra Mist is delicious. I bought a 12-pack of it a week ago and it's already gone. I'm thinking I should probably buy the sugar-free kind since obviously I can't control myself when I'm around it. It's like the drink equivalent of John Krasinski (though I've never met him and have no way of knowing how I would act if we were to ever meet, but I don't doubt that he'd fall madly in love with me, clearly).

3. The Social Network

Those few of you who have been privy to my obsession with this movie know that I think it's the best movie to come out in the last 15 years. I'm anxiously awaiting to see if it ever makes it to second-run theatres because it if does I will go every single day when I'm home over break. Yes, I have an "illegally" obtained copy of it (JUST KIDDING, FBI) but it's terrible quality and I really want to see it on the big screen again. I think that will tide me over until it comes out in all of it's Blu-ray glory and I can sit entranced for hours at a time, staring in wonder at the magic that David Fincher and Aaron Sorkin have bestowed upon us.

4. Tumblr

Now, I know that a lot of people think Tumblr is where all of the hipster kids hang out, and well, yeah, it's kind of true. I've had a Tumblr account (allysoninthemist.tumblr.com, only go there if you want to see all of the pop culture, pretty boys, and music I obsess over) for like a month now and it's pretty much ruined my life. I wasn't horribly obsessed with The Social Network before I found this place but it just wrapped me up in it's sweet arms and said "It's alright, Allyson, embrace your obsessive personality, we accept you here. We're all like you, way too apt to think that everyone is gay and Mark and Eduardo were secret lovers, and just slash, slash everywhere because everything is gay and nothing hurts. Shhh it's okay, come to mama, let me hold you here my soft bosom where you belong. It's okay to cry a little. Here's some links to some awesome fanfic, we know how into Harry Potter fanfic you were when you were twelve, and we know how ridiculously happy fic makes you even if it makes no sense at all and it just puts a silly smile on your face because we're just like you. We ship anything and everything even if it makes no sense, even if there's really no hint of any underlying sexual tension at all because we just like thinking about all the possibilties. And we understand why you love British television so much because isn't it the greatest? We're watching all of the sames shows as you, all of the weird ones that you're real friends don't watch because they have much better things to do with their lives than obsess over a British TV show that no one in the states has even heard of. Also, look at these pictures of pretty boys, look how pretty they are, they are so pretty how are they even real? And look at these freaking Jewnicorns right here. Look at how flawless these boys are, is this real life? It is real life. It's Tumblr life and we know you love it. And we love Sufjan Stevens, too, and we love our new hats and our cardigans, you're not a terrible person because you haven't written that paper yet, you have plenty of time, just hang out here a little longer, it's so fun here, can't you see how much you belong here?" As of this writing Tumblr has been down for about 24 hours. This may be a contributing factor to my writing this.

5. Freaks and Geeks

I had been meaning to watch this show for forever because it has such a quality cast and crew and I finally started watching it on Saturday. You better believe that I zoomed through 17 of the 18 episodes in less than 24 hours it is that good. I haven't watched the finale yet, I can't really bring myself to watch it yet. I'll be too sad. But it pretty much cemented my endless love for Jason Segel and James Franco and Martin Starr. Everyone needs to watch this show. Another amazing show cancelled too early. Now I'm watching Party Down (yes, I do have school work to do and an entire book to read and a paper to write and a final study guide to work on, what do you mean?) which was on Starz for two seasons and is also ridiculously funny.

That's pretty good for now, yeah?

Who knew that just one week of events could lead to so many potentially life changing decisions?

• How much a part of my life do I want debate to have?
• Should I take the necessary steps to insure that FLC will not have a program next year?
• How do I keep these people in my life?

I thought I had my life somewhat figured out. I thought I knew what I wanted to do in terms of college and in getting my degree. But now I need to decide if I'm going to abandon this thing I've grown to love so much and go for the original plan or change everything and take the opportunity I'm being presented with. I've been told repeatedly that I have potential, I mean I've already competed to the tip-top of the novice division, I can be really good at this if I want to be. And to think that getting into this activity was on nothing but a whim, a curiosity, and I very nearly did not return for the second semester. Now what?

As it turns out this weekend at the Western States Novice Debate Championships which was held here at Sacramento State (thank goodness, sleeping in my own bed meant I was way more rested for the insane amount of debate I did) we won five of eight rounds. We made it to eliminations and won the first round and lost in the quarterfinals to Cal Poly. I was more than relieved. Every time the judge(s) announced that we had won I was shocked out of my mind. And losing in the quarters lifted this huge weight of anxiety off of my shoulders, I'm still new and my debate partner just joined the team with no prior debate knowledge a full two weeks ago, we were exhausted. Each debate round is approximately 1.5-2 hours, and in eight rounds that means we debated at least 12 hours in three days. That's a lot. I'm so mentally tired that I can't even write.

Seven months ago I was completely ignorant of the strange little niche in academia called policy debate, nor did I understand the way it will unexpectedly pervade one's life. The basics of a debate round are this:

• Two people per team. One team is called the Affirmative (their job is to argue in favor of a change in some US policy) and the other team is called the Negative (who simply argues against the Affirmative, not the policy, per say).
• Their are two types of speeches given in each round, a constructive speech (nine minutes) and a rebuttal speech (six minutes). Each person will give one of each, and in between the constructive speeches there is a three-minute cross-examination. The only true rules in policy debate are the time limits, almost everything else is fair game.

There are about a million other things about debate I can talk about, but that's the very basic gist of it. The problem I'm having right now is that it's basically taken over my life. I still have time for other things, of course, and I would go crazy if I spent all of my free time working on debate stuff, but I find it popping into my head at random times throughout my days. I will have dreams about it furthering the proof that it has somehow weaseled its way into my life. I was working on it last night and was so excited when I came up with a new argument we could use.

The good thing about debate is that I've met some really interesting people, I like the intellectual challenge of it, and I get to go to New Orleans in April. The bad parts include my partial dislike of the team coaches, the fact that I spent a weekend in Modesto last month (I'm convinced that Modesto is where dreams go to die), and the intense pressure that one experiences at a tournament. It's enough to make someone crack, as I did in the middle of a round in Modesto. I'm talking full-out, tears streaming down the face crackage (the funny part of this story is that I got up to do my speech and I said "I apologize for the waterworks, someone must be cutting onions in the building," and the judge said "It's just been raining on your face." Flight of the Conchords FTW!). And I'm not the only one who was like that! I watched a varsity (I debate in the novice division with all of the other newbies) debate and this poor girl from Cal Poly SLO started crying, and I knew exactly how she felt.

And that picture? First thing that popped up when I typed in "debate clipart" and no, it really looks nothing like that. Think more along the lines of unkempt and tired college students lugging around Rubbermaid tubs full of expandable file folders full of evidence and reading it as fast as humanly possible.