So, I got my ears pierced yesterday.

Mom and I went to the Valley Plaza to return some things and as we were walking she stopped in front of one of those piercing kiosks and said she was going to get her ear pierced (yes, only one ear as the other whole hadn't closed up since she stopped wearing earrings) and somehow she convinced me to do it as well. I really wanted pierced ears when I was a kid and I was told that when I turned 12 I could get it done. Obviously it didn't happen. I was a bit afraid and since my ears are small and close to my head anyway I didn't think it made much of a difference. After a while I liked that I didn't have piercings. It was always a surprise to people when they noticed or when I mentioned it. And now here I am. It feels kind of weird to get it done in adulthood. It's like I missed out on a rite of passage, but I seem to be missing all of the normal milestones so that's how it goes.

• I'm moving back to Bakersfield. Not sure if I'm happy about that or not.
• I got an A in my Composition and Literature class after writing my final on how Hamlet and Horatio were probably hooking up between the scenes.
• Got an A in Intermediate GIS. Of course.
• Almost died fifty times driving home from the pub my Sustainability class went to after the final on Tuesday. It was thirty miles to my house, all downhill, it was pouring rain, the roads were completely inundated with water and I was constantly on the verge of losing control of my car. I finally saw another car spin out and drive up a mountain and that's I decided that I should probably take surface streets the rest of the way to my house. That is, after I stopped to make sure the people who spun out were okay. They were. It was, hands down, the most terrified I have ever been in my life.

When I was in the first grade I was told I had bad handwriting. I had to do all of these stupid handwriting exercises whenever I had free time (which was a lot, because even though I was in a combo 1st/2nd class and I did all the 2nd grade work, I was still done way before other kids). Ever since then I've been convinced that I had bad handwriting. But I don't, really, it's just still in my head.

The point of this anecdote is that I'm trying to let things go. I'm trying to release my baggage into the wild. And it's really fucking hard.

Just finished my Geographical Information Systems final. In it my professor had us work through a hypothetical situation under our fictional boss, "Mr. Big." We were asked what problems we might run into during the course of the project and me, being me, said "Mr. Big leaves you for Carrie Bradshaw. Again." I really hope that he is familiar with Sex and the City, or else he will be very confused.

My other favorite answer includes the sentence "It's entirely possible that your computer will explode at this stage in the project."

My brain is slowly turning to mush.

Set in present-day New York City. The shows were big. The thrills were bigger.

"This movie is so awesome. You could feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and fall back down again because they fainted because it was so intense. Seriously. Pay attention to your neck hairs." - Roger Ebert*

"Five Stars!" - Peter Travers **

*of the Lodi High School student-run newspaper.

*of the Folsom Lake College cafeteria

Soundtrack

Lady Gaga - Lovegame

Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell

The Sound of Silence - Simon and Garfunkel

B.Y.O.B. - System of a Down

Carry Out (featuring Justin Timberlake) - Timbaland

O Sole Mio - The Three Tenors

The World Has Turned and Left Me Here - Weezer

Velocity Girl - Snow Patrol

On Your Bike - Heinz Kiessling

Eminence Front - The Who

Don't Rain on My Parade - Barbra Streisand

The Engine Driver - The Decemberists

I figure since Oprah always does her favorite things episode at this time of year (it was a few weeks ago, I think) I should talk about some of my favorite things because I'm obviously as important as Oprah Winfrey.

1. Hats.

I've entered a hat phase. I'm not really sure what this means for my well-being but they keep my head warm. For years I thought I wasn't a hat person. I thought my head was funny shaped, or too big or that my face couldn't handle a hat being so close to it, but I was wrong. I just needed to find the right hat style so now I have four hats. Two knit beret things, one normal knit beanie-type hat and one that I bought to go skiing in earlier this year with earflaps that has found it's way onto my head in the privacy of my room more times that I'd like to admit.

2. Cranberry Sierra Mist

This is truly the cold, fizzy, non-alcoholic soda beverage of winter. Yes, I did have to qualify that an awful lot because it doesn't beat my other favorite cold, fizzy, non-alcoholic (but non-soda) beverage, Martinelli's Apple Cider. But Cranberry Sierra Mist is delicious. I bought a 12-pack of it a week ago and it's already gone. I'm thinking I should probably buy the sugar-free kind since obviously I can't control myself when I'm around it. It's like the drink equivalent of John Krasinski (though I've never met him and have no way of knowing how I would act if we were to ever meet, but I don't doubt that he'd fall madly in love with me, clearly).

3. The Social Network

Those few of you who have been privy to my obsession with this movie know that I think it's the best movie to come out in the last 15 years. I'm anxiously awaiting to see if it ever makes it to second-run theatres because it if does I will go every single day when I'm home over break. Yes, I have an "illegally" obtained copy of it (JUST KIDDING, FBI) but it's terrible quality and I really want to see it on the big screen again. I think that will tide me over until it comes out in all of it's Blu-ray glory and I can sit entranced for hours at a time, staring in wonder at the magic that David Fincher and Aaron Sorkin have bestowed upon us.

4. Tumblr

Now, I know that a lot of people think Tumblr is where all of the hipster kids hang out, and well, yeah, it's kind of true. I've had a Tumblr account (allysoninthemist.tumblr.com, only go there if you want to see all of the pop culture, pretty boys, and music I obsess over) for like a month now and it's pretty much ruined my life. I wasn't horribly obsessed with The Social Network before I found this place but it just wrapped me up in it's sweet arms and said "It's alright, Allyson, embrace your obsessive personality, we accept you here. We're all like you, way too apt to think that everyone is gay and Mark and Eduardo were secret lovers, and just slash, slash everywhere because everything is gay and nothing hurts. Shhh it's okay, come to mama, let me hold you here my soft bosom where you belong. It's okay to cry a little. Here's some links to some awesome fanfic, we know how into Harry Potter fanfic you were when you were twelve, and we know how ridiculously happy fic makes you even if it makes no sense at all and it just puts a silly smile on your face because we're just like you. We ship anything and everything even if it makes no sense, even if there's really no hint of any underlying sexual tension at all because we just like thinking about all the possibilties. And we understand why you love British television so much because isn't it the greatest? We're watching all of the sames shows as you, all of the weird ones that you're real friends don't watch because they have much better things to do with their lives than obsess over a British TV show that no one in the states has even heard of. Also, look at these pictures of pretty boys, look how pretty they are, they are so pretty how are they even real? And look at these freaking Jewnicorns right here. Look at how flawless these boys are, is this real life? It is real life. It's Tumblr life and we know you love it. And we love Sufjan Stevens, too, and we love our new hats and our cardigans, you're not a terrible person because you haven't written that paper yet, you have plenty of time, just hang out here a little longer, it's so fun here, can't you see how much you belong here?" As of this writing Tumblr has been down for about 24 hours. This may be a contributing factor to my writing this.

5. Freaks and Geeks

I had been meaning to watch this show for forever because it has such a quality cast and crew and I finally started watching it on Saturday. You better believe that I zoomed through 17 of the 18 episodes in less than 24 hours it is that good. I haven't watched the finale yet, I can't really bring myself to watch it yet. I'll be too sad. But it pretty much cemented my endless love for Jason Segel and James Franco and Martin Starr. Everyone needs to watch this show. Another amazing show cancelled too early. Now I'm watching Party Down (yes, I do have school work to do and an entire book to read and a paper to write and a final study guide to work on, what do you mean?) which was on Starz for two seasons and is also ridiculously funny.

That's pretty good for now, yeah?

Who knew that just one week of events could lead to so many potentially life changing decisions?

• How much a part of my life do I want debate to have?
• Should I take the necessary steps to insure that FLC will not have a program next year?
• How do I keep these people in my life?

I thought I had my life somewhat figured out. I thought I knew what I wanted to do in terms of college and in getting my degree. But now I need to decide if I'm going to abandon this thing I've grown to love so much and go for the original plan or change everything and take the opportunity I'm being presented with. I've been told repeatedly that I have potential, I mean I've already competed to the tip-top of the novice division, I can be really good at this if I want to be. And to think that getting into this activity was on nothing but a whim, a curiosity, and I very nearly did not return for the second semester. Now what?

As it turns out this weekend at the Western States Novice Debate Championships which was held here at Sacramento State (thank goodness, sleeping in my own bed meant I was way more rested for the insane amount of debate I did) we won five of eight rounds. We made it to eliminations and won the first round and lost in the quarterfinals to Cal Poly. I was more than relieved. Every time the judge(s) announced that we had won I was shocked out of my mind. And losing in the quarters lifted this huge weight of anxiety off of my shoulders, I'm still new and my debate partner just joined the team with no prior debate knowledge a full two weeks ago, we were exhausted. Each debate round is approximately 1.5-2 hours, and in eight rounds that means we debated at least 12 hours in three days. That's a lot. I'm so mentally tired that I can't even write.

Seven months ago I was completely ignorant of the strange little niche in academia called policy debate, nor did I understand the way it will unexpectedly pervade one's life. The basics of a debate round are this:

• Two people per team. One team is called the Affirmative (their job is to argue in favor of a change in some US policy) and the other team is called the Negative (who simply argues against the Affirmative, not the policy, per say).
• Their are two types of speeches given in each round, a constructive speech (nine minutes) and a rebuttal speech (six minutes). Each person will give one of each, and in between the constructive speeches there is a three-minute cross-examination. The only true rules in policy debate are the time limits, almost everything else is fair game.

There are about a million other things about debate I can talk about, but that's the very basic gist of it. The problem I'm having right now is that it's basically taken over my life. I still have time for other things, of course, and I would go crazy if I spent all of my free time working on debate stuff, but I find it popping into my head at random times throughout my days. I will have dreams about it furthering the proof that it has somehow weaseled its way into my life. I was working on it last night and was so excited when I came up with a new argument we could use.

The good thing about debate is that I've met some really interesting people, I like the intellectual challenge of it, and I get to go to New Orleans in April. The bad parts include my partial dislike of the team coaches, the fact that I spent a weekend in Modesto last month (I'm convinced that Modesto is where dreams go to die), and the intense pressure that one experiences at a tournament. It's enough to make someone crack, as I did in the middle of a round in Modesto. I'm talking full-out, tears streaming down the face crackage (the funny part of this story is that I got up to do my speech and I said "I apologize for the waterworks, someone must be cutting onions in the building," and the judge said "It's just been raining on your face." Flight of the Conchords FTW!). And I'm not the only one who was like that! I watched a varsity (I debate in the novice division with all of the other newbies) debate and this poor girl from Cal Poly SLO started crying, and I knew exactly how she felt.

And that picture? First thing that popped up when I typed in "debate clipart" and no, it really looks nothing like that. Think more along the lines of unkempt and tired college students lugging around Rubbermaid tubs full of expandable file folders full of evidence and reading it as fast as humanly possible.

Tuesdays are the only days I get mail. Never has a subscription to Newsweek magazine brought me so much joy because that is the one day a week I can go to the mailbox and there is something for me. There is nothing quite like the tinge of disappointment in getting the mail and nothing is addressed to you. It's ten-times worse when you get a key to one of the big boxes only to discover that the package isn't for you. The rush of excitement you get when that key is sitting in your mailbox is palpable, comparable to the crushing defeat you feel when you finally read the name that isn't yours. People walking past me on the sidewalk as I meander back into the house look at me with pity and I know what they're thinking. "Poor girl, once again she got no mail. How very sad." I see it written all over their smug faces as they push their baby carriages and walk their dogs along the streets. How lucky they must feel when they open their mailboxes and see items addressed to them.

Photo Credit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jaysantiago/ / CC BY-ND 2.0

People keep telling me that I'm overreacting, but I honestly think that I'm about to die. This cough is going to be end of me. It starts slowly, I open my mouth, about to say something, maybe to take a bite of food, or sip some water, and something goes terribly wrong. The real event begins when I inhale, something doesn't move quite right, something brushes over the trigger and I quickly close my mouth in an effort to stop the process, but then it's too late. My body starts to spasm in an effort to stifle the noise, my throat spasming uncontrollably, and I close my eyes and try to visualize what must be happening in my lungs. It's like a battle zone, my body is fighting itself and it's a battle to the death. I can't catch my breath, I clutch at my chest in an effort to demonstrate that the end is near. The people around me look at me with fear in their eyes, no one wants to watch someone die, but today they'll have to. Suddenly, with as much effort with which it began, the coughing stopped. I take a deep breath and sigh with relief. Everyone is asking me if I'm okay. Yes, I'm okay, I say, something just went down the wrong tube.

Yesterday I was filthy, covered in dirt and grime, food and drink, grease and oil. But today I am clean again. Clean after a delightful and welcome scrubbing, the warm, soapy water running into every crevice and spilling over every inch. The view is clear now, the room smells fresh and I feel brand new. This new me is not going to last long. It only takes a few days, hours even, for me to return to the same state I was in. I don’t know what I did to deserve it, but people walk all over me. Nearly every day of my life I am trampled upon with no remorse. I remember the day I moved into this apartment, I fit perfectly in the space and was wonderfully clean, if not a little dusty. Life was good, until the day I wasn’t alone in my living space. The worst offender? The dog. Oh, how I loathe that dog with his constant slobbering all over me, dropping his food all over the place, plopping himself down wherever he wants. The cat is better, though she only deems to look down on me from the countertops. The people I can handle, since they are the ones ultimately in control of my condition. The lady is my favorite, she doesn’t seem to mind cleaning a dirty floor.

I love reading. I love having a book with me everywhere and the possibilities that come with that. I like the escapism in reading a great book. I've been reading nonstop for the past few weeks. I've torn through no less than four full-length (each over 400 pages) books, several magazines (and not Cosmo, no, I'm talking The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, Newsweek, heavier stuff), I read the assigned passages for my composition class right after class because I just wanted to read. Maybe my brain is going through a sponge phase? But, put something with words on it in front of me and I will read it. And then ask for more.

• Seeing my friends be truly pleased with themselves and their lives. Hearing of their ecstatic happiness makes me ecstatically happy! I could name examples but, just in general, I'm addicted to happiness.
  
• Reading for pleasure again. After four months of only reading in a strictly academic sense I thought that I would be anxious to sit and read nothing for a month. This was not the case. I've been reading voraciously in the past few weeks and there's nothing better I could be doing with my time. (I'm currently half-way through In a Sunburned Country by Bill Bryson. It's absolutely hysterical, so much so that I can't read it in public without embarrassing myself. Next up is American Gods by Neil Gaiman.)
• Nurses. Nurses are amazing. I've been spending a lot of time hanging about the medical world these days (my grandma fell a few weeks ago which resulted in a concussion, broken hip and a plethora of other problems) and I can tell you all that every single nurse I encountered from the advice nurse over the phone to the emergency room nurse to the nurses at the rehab center where she is currently staying are all incredible, caring, compassionate people. I can't thank every one of them enough.
• United Airlines Frequent Flier Miles. My New Year's Resolution is to get enough points to do something, anything. I'm itching to get on an airplane again! A job would greatly help me in these endeavors.
  
• Jury Duty. I don't mind doing my civic duty as it must be done this week, I actually want to be put on a jury! Honestly, I don't have anything better to do except read, which there will be plenty of time for while doing my jury duty regardless.
• Wii Fit Plus. How fun is this little game? We got it for Christmas. I spent an hour on it the other day and didn't even realize that I was burning those pesky calories. I know I sound like a freaking advertisement, but I think it's really fun. Is it as fun as Mario Kart? Well, no. But still pretty entertaining.
• Showers! I know this is a weird one, but I really, really love taking showers these days. I don't know why, but I look forward to them. Something about the hot water and the quiet. It's the only place in the house where I am truly alone (even my room does not afford me this luxury) and it's the only other place (besides my beloved car) where I can let myself feel my feelings, if that makes sense. It's cathartic.

I love plenty of other things, too! <3

NaNoWriMo was, once again, a bust. November is just a terrible time for students to participate, it's nearing the end of the semester and assignments that have been left around are suddenly needing to be completed. It's disappointing, yes, but at least I have a story that is somewhat outlined so if I ever want to finish it in the future I would be able to pick it up again.

In television news, I'm really into Dexter this season. This is by far the most intense season, I often have to pause it in the middle of scenes just to take a break from the tension.I've watched the show since the first season, but this one is just overall better. The writing is better, it's darker and funnier and there have been some really good twists and with only two episodes left I'm completely expecting to have my mind completely blown.

On the other end of the TV spectrum lies Glee. I love this show so much, I smile like a freaking idiot every time I watch it, it just makes me so happy! The fact that most shows, including this one as well as the very good V, are taking a substantial break over winter (for the Olympics, natch) is quite disappointing.

I have two weeks left of school and then I get to go back to Bakersfield where hopefully I can work some!

Yes, kids, it's true. The other day I went to AT&T after many, many hours of deliberation and anguish, and I purchased my very own piece of Apple phonedom. I was quite nervous and not a little reluctant, but the salesman, Alex, was just so cool in explaining every last thing to me and was very, very good at his job. But, I digress, I love it. It's just so pretty.

It's November 1st and we all know what that means (well, actually probably not, I don't think this is terribly well-known), NaNoWriMo. That's right, National Novel Writing Month was launched into full-tilt noveling at midnight last night. I am anxious to get started writing but I have one rather large problem, I have nothing to write about! I last tried this two years ago and I think I chronicled part of it here if you care to look for it, but at least then I had a plot and characters and a setting as weird as they all were, this year I'm completely drawing a blank! I don't have any inspiration and I've been thinking about it for like a week. I think I might write a romantic comedy thriller? Oh boy. Wish me luck!

This man makes my life just a little happier.

I dreamed you were a cosmonaut
of the space between our chairs
and I was a cartographer
of the tangles in your hair

I sighed a song that silence brings
it's the one that everybody knows
oh everybody knows
the song that silence sings
and this was how it goes

these looms that weave apocryphal
they're hanging from a strand
these dark and empty rooms were full
of incandescent hands

awkward pause
a fatal flaw
time it's a crooked bow
oh time's a crooked bow

in time you need to learn to love
the ebb just like the flow

grab hold of your bootstraps
and pull like hell
‘till gravity feels sorry for you
and lets you go
as if you lack the proper chemicals to know
the way it felt the last time you let yourself
fall this low
time
oh time
it's a crooked bow
time's a crooked bow

fifty-five and three–eighths years later
at the bottom of this gigantic crater
an armchair calls to you
yeah this armchair calls to you
and it says that
some day
we'll get back at them all
with epoxy and a pair of pliers
as ancient sea slugs begin to crawl
through the ragweed and barbed wire
you didn't write you didn't call
it didn't cross your mind at all
and through the waves
the waves of a.m. squall
you couldn't feel a thing at all
you're fifty-five and three-eighths tall